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Linda Asks: I found out my current male lover occasionally wears a bra. He doesn’t stuff it but I still find it a little disturbing. Do you think I could convince him to stop wearing one?

He Says: WTF?? He wears a bra occasionally? This boy has a problem, stuffing or not. Perhaps he fantasizes about being a woman, a Victoria’s Secret model or is a closet transvestite. Or maybe he has a fetish for women’s’ clothes. Whatever the case, he should seek professional treatment or you may find yourself in the bottom of a pit in his basement, ala Silence of the Lambs… 

She Says: Your question made me laugh but not in a good way. Does he do this at a specific time of day? What is his reasoning? Regardless, it’s not good. No corn-husking tractor-driving weight-lifting man I know wears a bra. It sounds like you may need to do a little sleuthing around to figure out what’s up with his private life. Or drop him like a bad habit!

Jesse Asks: My boyfriend has stopped having sex with me. What is going on? He says he’s not in the mood or that he’s tired and it’s been like this for the last 5 months!!! It’s making me crazy!

He Says: Well he has obviously lost interest in you or getting it somewhere else. Since this is the two- ton elephant in the room, you have a right to demand better answers than “I’m tired” or “I’m not in the mood.” In fact, this is clearly a human rights violation. Threaten to haul him into the International Court of Justice in the Hague - your fundamental human needs aren’t being met. Maybe some wig-wearing judge will set him straight.  

She Says: I used to think that when this happens it means he’s moved on mentally. Which is still often the case. But other times, men ‘just don’t feel like it’. I know so because friends of mine have been proposed to after this exact thing happened. To me, it means he’s gotten very comfortable with you. This can be a good or a bad thing. Sometimes this means he’s taking you for granted and other times this means that he’s happy and not that sexual. That vibe can only be picked up on by you. You know your man.. if he’s a sexual kind of guy then you may have a problem on your hands.

Jackie from Ohio asks: I was very drunk one night a slept with my best male friend. Should I tell my boyfriend? I am on the fence about it.

He Says: Ahh that demon liquor! It makes you do all kinds of things that of course you wouldn’t THINK of doing while sober, ahem. Drunk or not, you are obviously attracted to your best male friend and he probably secretly has had the hots for you, as I do for some of my female friends (good thing this is anonymous). The question you should be asking is not “Should I confess” but “What is it about my bf that caused me to spread my wings and fly?” He’s obviously not doing it for you.

She Says: Hopefully you weren’t a home-wrecker this time around but in the future I’d refrain from doing drunk ‘accidental’ things. Astonishingly, I too have been wasted before and I too have been around a male best friend.  Somehow I refrained from sleeping with him. You clearly like your friend and are not really into your boyfriend. I wouldn’t tell your boyfriend what you did if you want to keep this hurt train chugging along but the nice thing to do would probably be to love him and leave him… and maybe move on to your best friend.

Elizabeth from Iowa: I caught my boyfriend taking photos of his ah hem whilst on the computer. It turns out that he has been chatting to random ladies for quite sometime. Should I dump him?

He Says: Yes. Getting it on with random women on the Internet is creepy and weird. Who knows what else he’s up to? You could end up with some pretty ugly diseases. Don’t let that happen. 

She Says: Yes! What in the world is he doing? It sounds like he’s got a few things to sort out… like sense of self-respect. Any man who willingly exposes himself to the Internet (which is kind of like putting his dick out on national television) needs a head check. You’re wasting your time hanging out with this one.

Helen from Vegas asks: My boyfriend’s ex girlfriend constantly contacts him. I’ve approached him about it but he swears she’s a friend and that I shouldn’t worry. Would I be crossing a line by contacting her?

He Says: Uhh …. YES. You would look like a jealous woman who is threatened by his feelings for his ex. And chances are, he does have feelings for her, but it’s entirely possible that it’s not physical. Maybe he just likes her personality and has nice memories, just as you probably do about your previous bfs.  You could try trusting him and not cause a stink, unless of course you have reason to think he wants something more from her, in which case you have to make him choose. Life is about choices. Men can get easily irritated by insecure and jealous women. If you really want to manipulate the situation, invite her over for dinner with your bf then subtly rip her apart after she leaves. He may see what a pathetic little shrew she is being. 

She Says: You would definitely be crossing the line. Not only will she think you’re a freak show- he will too. What would you even say? So.. are you secretely dating my boyfriend? Clearly if he still wanted to be with her or vice versa they would be together! He wants to be friends with her. I think that’s fine and I would just accept her. The one thing I would not accept is if he starts to tell her his secrets and doesn’t tell you. At some point you should be his best girlfriend so do things to gain his trust. Like not calling his ex behind his back.

Mrs Carol asks: I have a feeling my husband is cheating on me. What are the warning signs?

He Says: Uhhh, lipstick on the collar?? Another woman’s thong buried in his sock drawer? Those would be pretty clear signs. Unfortunately unless your man has an IQ of 80 or under, that ain’t happening. The fact is that very few men are completely faithful in word, thought and deed, because no woman satisfies them all the time. Who wants chicken every day? So your job is to gauge the satisfaction index in your marriage. If it is low, chances are he’s thinking about greener pastures. If so, time to spice things up and try some new things.

She Says: Oh Dear. Typically when you feel someone is cheating on you they usually are… unless you’re paranoid.  He will generally pay less attention to you, be vague about where he’s going, look at his phone a lot or act a nervous around you. What has he been doing thus far? Then again.. sometimes men act that way because they are planning something they haven’t told you about yet like a job promotion or they want to approach you about moving house. All you can do is act like it doesn’t bother you and behave as normal. Something will come out in the open eventually.  Good Luck!

Susan Asks: My boyfriend of five years just broke up with me and moved out while I was out of town. He didn’t give me a reason for the abrupt split. How can I get him back?

He Says: Hmm, maybe it was your lingerie? Your perfume? Or maybe he didn’t like that unsightly stubble after you haven’t shaved down there for a while? Honey, if you are clueless about why your man bolted after five years, you have either been in a coma or in ditzland for a long time. Did he move in with another woman? Or a man?? These are important clues….! But chances are, your man had some issues that were never discussed.  Your job is to reestablish communications and find out if they can be solved.

She Says: Excuse me? Why do you WANT him back? He sounds like a coward. Cowardly men sneak around undercover because they are insecure. Insecurity means possible cheating on you, possibly talking bad about you behind your back, and a generally unhappy character. I would run as fast as you can away from this fiasco! It sounds like the best thing has happened… he has probably been getting up the guts to do this for a while. What do the readers think?

Rowella writes: I’ve gone out on a couple of dates with a guy who I met online and I just know, in my gut, that it’s not going to go anywhere.  How do I let him down gently?

She Says: It sounds like you respect him – otherwise why even bother letting him down gently? If that’s the case then simply say (in a nice tone) that you don’t see the two of you working out in the long term. Most guys understand that and he’ll likely be interested in being friends! Datingish has a good post on how to let a guy down effectively.

He Says: This is pretty easy. Lots of people go out on a couple of dates and decide they don’t want to get really involved. Just make it simple: tell him the chemistry really isn’t there and wish him good luck. Tell him you’ll mail his socks back….

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