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Celeste from Atlanta: My boyfriend is really attached to his mother. He calls her at least twice a day and each phone call lasts between 30 mins to 2 hours. I can’t handle it anymore. I feel like he tells her things about our relationship that I would never tell my mother. What should I do?

She Says: Everyone has a different relationship with their mother. But sometimes it’s a little… WTF!? crazy (overbearingly?) close. Relationships are two sided so the mother is mostly likely encouraging this kind of interaction with her son. Unfortunately, I’d say there’s nothing you can do without seeming like evel knieval. You’re best bet is probably to shimmy up to the mother so she feels less comfortable talking to her son about your intimate details. Ask him to please keep your private moments with him private. If he respects you he’ll respect your request!

He Says: Unless you boyfriend is running a multi-million dollar family business with his mom, I’d say this boy has problems. Either he has a serious dependency issue or his mom does or both.  At the very least, mom should respect you and your relationship with her precious boy.  I say confront him and tell him to deal with his mother issues with a shrink. If he doesn’t get help, mom is going to be moving in soon. 

Nancy Rollin Up: My colleague at work set me up with a good friend of hers.  We’ve gone out a couple of times, but I really think he’s ready for marriage and I’m not.  My colleague keeps on asking me how we’re doing … what do I do?

He Says: It’s nice that your colleague set you up, but let’s face it, blind dates rarely work, since no one knows your chemistry like you do, despite the good intentions of the person setting you up. So I think it’s OK to tell your colleague that you have considerations about your date… You can just say you’re in a different place, or the chemistry isn’t there, or whatever. Most people understand those issues.

She Says: He’s ready for marriage in this recessionary madness? And only after two dates? I’m shocked! and… I think you’re overreacting. First off, I’m sure he likes you but men are always hot and heavy at the start. They build you up in their head and think you’re the one. A few months later you’ll be wondering if he’s ever going to propose. I say these are early days and roll with it. Things are bound to evolve. Time for you to take a breather. And just be vague about it with your coworker. It’s your relationship (not hers) anyway.  Unless of course he’s this guy! Then I’d say run for the hills!.

Rowella writes: I’ve gone out on a couple of dates with a guy who I met online and I just know, in my gut, that it’s not going to go anywhere.  How do I let him down gently?

She Says: It sounds like you respect him – otherwise why even bother letting him down gently? If that’s the case then simply say (in a nice tone) that you don’t see the two of you working out in the long term. Most guys understand that and he’ll likely be interested in being friends! Datingish has a good post on how to let a guy down effectively.

He Says: This is pretty easy. Lots of people go out on a couple of dates and decide they don’t want to get really involved. Just make it simple: tell him the chemistry really isn’t there and wish him good luck. Tell him you’ll mail his socks back….

Iris writes: I hate that my man doesn’t open the door for me. How can I train him to have better manners?

He Says: This is the kind of schizophrenia that New York men have to deal with all the time. Women demand to be treated as powerful economic equals, yet they secretly want to be treated like princesses to be swept away to a man’s castle. Some women get offended when you pay for dinner, like we’re buying you. Others get offended when you don’t. You offer to split it, they think you’re a loser. Here’s an idea: make a point of ostentatiously holding the door for him. He’ll probably think that’s weird and change his stripes.

 

She Says: There are all kinds of men out there. But opening a door for someone is basic. Women do it for women and men do it for men so the least your man can do is step up to the plate for you! If he doesn’t open the door for you give him a pointed look. I’m not saying he needs to do this all the time… it’s OK to be casual. ..but if you’re going out for dinner (for example) he should. If he keeps (not) doing it you might want to mention it. No guy wants to end up with a reputation like this guy and he might not realize how offensive it is! Cast your vote!

WTF!? asks: I’m seriously dating a man who has known one of my work partners for years. When he first asked me out, I ran it by her and she said they were just friends, and gave us her blessing. Five months later, she still seems to be angry at me, and it’s interfering with work. What do I do?

He Says: Can you say jealous?? Obviously she was hoping he’d get over his fling with you, but it sounds like that ain’t happening. Now she’s taking it out on you. Bummer. You might have to employ a little office backstabbing, which is unfortunately sometimes necessary. Complaining to her supervisor might work. This is a guy talking tho. A woman might try a softer approach. Take her out to lunch and get to know her? Hook her up with your cousin Jack? Worst case, pay some guy to woo her!

She Says: Women love to be passive aggressive. It’s like their M.O. They are also completely territorial. She clearly hates your relationship with him. If you care enough to save your friendship I would ask her for advice on certain matters. She’ll be happy that she can still involve herself in his life by providing you advice. Sounds like you’ll have to watch your step!

Judith lives in Seattle: I’ve been dating several men for the past few months, but now want to move forward exclusively with one. How do I let the rest know in a way that is clear but nice, and maybe even leaves the door open in case Mr. Right turns out not to be?

 

She Says: Do not stop dating until ‘Mr. Right’ proposes exclusivity. You cannot propose exclusivity. That’s boring and scary. I wouldn’t worry about it and just have fun! If he has asked you to be his girl then just avoid the other guys. They will get the hint without you having to explain that they’re not the one!

He Says: I hate to break the news here, but THERE IS NO MR. RIGHT!! Don’t waste your 20s and 30s tasting all of Heinz 57 Varieties!! Noone is perfect. We all have warts. Mr. Right is only Mr. Right because you make him so. Life is about choices. Move forward with your man and be nice to the others. It’s a rough world out there and what goes around comes around. No man wants to be number 2 on your wish list and if he finds out that you want him waiting in the wings, he’s history, unless he has no self esteem in which case you don’t want him anyway!

Georgina in London: I have fallen for an old friend of mine who I know has slept around. He has probably slept with at least a hundred girls! Should I be worried and will I just be another one of his victims?

He Says: This old friend probably is attracted to you too. In fact, if he has been so sexually active, he probably knows a lot of techniques to attract women. He’s probably something of a playboy. If you play with fire, consider the implications on your friendship when the affair likely ends. It might not be pretty, so it might be better to hold off and confine it to subtle flirting, which can be pretty hot and fun.

She Says: I wouldn’t worry about his ’sleeping around.’ Generally this type of man knows exactly what he wants … which can work in your favor…. Or not. Why not? Because it doesn’t sound like he’s pursuing you. Why are you just friends? Men like him make moves when they meet a girl they want to be with. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends.

Anne from Indiana: Do all men cheat? Should I cheat on my boyfriend first just so I don’t get hurt?

She Says: Many men cheat. Many men do not. And no don’t cheat on your boyfriend. You always want to come out on top.

He Says: All men definitely do NOT cheat. But most men fantasize about other women from time to time. This is natural and hard-wired into male biological nature. All you can do is do your best to keep him sexually satisfied and happy at home so he loses interest and pursues more constructive activities.  

Cary from Edinburgh!: My boyfriend’s parents hate me. I snuck into by boyfriend’s room when I visited his parents house for the first time and they found a used condom the next morning. I am always very courteous when I’m around them but I feel like my relationship is doomed. How can I rectify it?

She Says: Generally the parent to concentrate on (as the girlfriend) is the mother. And Mothers like presents. Mothers also like what’s best for their son. So do some domestic things around her. Make a bouquet of flowers for the table, set the table, make the bed, do the dishes… show that you’ll take care of her little man in the long run. She’ll change her tune soon enough.

He Says: This is a tough one. If they are real conservative, they may take a long time to get over it. But you’re not going out with his parents, you’re going out with him. Be tolerant. Give them time to get over it. Let your boyfriend defend you to them.   If he loves you, he will.

Lonely in Midtown: My problem is that I work so hard I never have time to date. First, how do I meet women?  do you have experience with websites such as Match.com?  Secondly because of my job and working so hard I have not had sex in almost three years.  Is that a difficult issue to discuss with possible dates?

She Says: Well sir. You need to get out of the office. There are several ways to meet women. Yes I would encourage you to try Match.com or sites like it (eharmony, plenty of fish, and nerve are all popular). They are a sure fire way to meet a lady to love. Next up, meander into a few bars. Women in New York do like to be hit on so start dishing out a few ‘come-hither’ looks! Be more socially active through groups online. Hit up Facebook or Yahoo Groups to meet people with similar interests.  As far as your new found celibacy is concerned…. Women like confidence and you telling them that you can’t get laid won’t help anything. Some things are better left unsaid!

He Says: On-line dating is great for people stuck in offices and too burned out to get out much. Check em out. Match.com, OKCupid, Craigslist, Yahoo Personals and so on. There are lots of women looking! Take some nice pix of yourself, paint a cool verbal portrait and start COMMUNICATING with women. And don’t be needy or a wuss, and NEVER say you haven’t had sex for years. What’s the point? My best advice – read some dating books like “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists” and others, which have some great nuggets. Don’t waste time if you don’t get immediate results – move on to the next woman, and the next. You need to get in the game! 

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